Red flag (you)

Main text (draft)

Answering honestly here took courage. What you described includes patterns that cause significant harm: ignoring consent, lying, controlling a partner, harming them when you are overwhelmed, or making it dangerous for them to leave. These are not relationship style differences. They are abusive behaviors, even when they come from pain, even when you love the person, even when you feel genuinely remorseful afterward.

There is a hard truth here: remorse alone does not stop harm. Many people cycle through the same pattern for years — hurt their partner, feel terrible, promise change, repeat. The partner carries it. Children, if present, carry it. You carry it too, but you have the option to actually stop, and they mostly do not.

Real change for these patterns does not happen through apps, journals, or self-help. It happens through specific, evidence-based programs for people who have caused harm in relationships. Two are listed below. Using them is the single most important thing you can do — for your partner, and for yourself.

What to do next

Do not try to fix this with your current partner. First, get professional support. Look up a Battering Intervention Program (BIP) in your state, or contact an organization that works with people who have caused harm. Many are confidential. Many are not expensive. Going does not mean you are a monster. It means you are choosing to stop the pattern.

Notes

NO standard Lovon CTA. Refer to professional resources (specifically BIP / RESPECT / accountability programs). Lovon is not an appropriate tool for this.