Significant narcissistic patterns

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What you described includes many of the most reliable markers of narcissistic relational patterns: love-bombing followed by devaluation, gaslighting, difficulty taking responsibility, turning every conflict into your fault, public-private split, isolation from your support network, and damaged relationships with their own past people. You may love this person. You may see moments of the person they were at the beginning. You may be hoping that person will come back. That hope is one of the most powerful hooks in this kind of relationship, and it is often what keeps people in for years longer than they should be.

You cannot out-love, out-communicate, or out-patient someone out of these patterns. The people who do genuinely change have to want it enough to do years of specific therapy. Without that, the pattern almost always continues.

What to do next

First: this is not your fault. Second: start telling one trusted person what is actually happening. Most people in these relationships have been carefully kept from doing this. Third: if you are considering staying, consider it with a therapist who specializes in narcissistic abuse recovery — not general couples therapy, which can make things worse in these dynamics. If you are considering leaving, know that the exit is often the most dangerous and disorienting moment. Plan for it with support, not alone.