Still in it

Main text (draft)

What you described is still early, still raw, or has not moved much since the breakup — regardless of how long ago it was. Time passing is not the same as grief moving. For many people, grief sits still for a while and then moves in chunks. If it has been a long time and very little has moved, that is useful information: it often means something is keeping the door open, whether that is ongoing contact, unfinished conversations, inability to accept the ending, or something underneath the relationship (an old wound, an attachment pattern) that got activated.

This is also the stage where relapse into contact is most common and most costly. Every contact with your ex, even small ones, resets the clock on healing. This is not a discipline issue. It is how human attachment works. You are not failing if you are tempted. You are human.

What to do next

Consider strict no-contact for at least 60 days. Not as punishment — as biology. Your nervous system cannot extinguish attachment while the stimulus keeps showing up. If your ex is unavailable in the obvious ways (moved on, with someone else, cold) but still available in small ways (texts, likes, occasional check-ins), those small doses are keeping you stuck. Block or mute, not out of hate, out of self-protection. Also: if the grief is interfering with sleep, work, or basic function for weeks, talk to a therapist. Breakup grief is real grief, and it sometimes needs real support.