Red flag partner
Main text (draft)
[SAFETY RESOURCES BLOCK SHOWN FIRST — see Safety_Resources sheet]
What you described includes patterns that are well-established markers of unhealthy or abusive relationships: isolation from support networks, gaslighting, financial control, physical or sexual coercion, punishment for boundaries, or dramatic unpredictability. These are not communication style issues. They are control patterns, and they tend to escalate over time, not de-escalate.
The fact that your partner also has good moments, that they apologize, that you love them, or that they have had a hard life, does not change what these patterns are. Many abusive relationships include love, good times, and remorse. That is part of the cycle.
Leaving is not always possible right away, and for many people it is the most dangerous moment. If you are not ready or not safe to leave, there are still things that help: document incidents, keep an exit bag somewhere safe, share a code word with one trusted person, contact a DV hotline when you are alone.
What to do next
Your next step is not to confront your partner. Your next step is to talk to someone who understands domestic violence patterns — a DV advocate, a therapist, or a trusted friend who will not push you to act immediately. A DV hotline call is confidential and does not create a police record. You decide what to do next; they give you information.
This quiz is for self-reflection and educational purposes. It is not a diagnosis, clinical instrument, or replacement for professional care. If any of this raises concerns, consider talking to a licensed therapist.
Want to talk this through?
Sometimes naming what you're seeing out loud with a trained therapist is the difference between staying stuck and moving forward.