Some narcissistic traits, but likely not NPD

Main text (draft)

Narcissistic traits exist on a spectrum. Many people have some of them, especially under stress, without meeting the threshold for narcissistic personality disorder. Based on what you described, your partner shows some of these traits — self-focus, difficulty with accountability, occasional manipulation — but there are also signs of empathy, real connection, and capacity for change. This is not a hopeless situation, but it is one where you will want to stay honest with yourself. The biggest risk is slowly adapting to their patterns by making yourself smaller. That is how partners of people with narcissistic traits often lose themselves over years.

What to do next

Start noticing which patterns come up repeatedly, and watch what happens when you name them. A partner with narcissistic traits who can genuinely hear feedback and change is very different from one who cannot. Couples therapy can sometimes help, though therapists with experience in narcissistic traits specifically are more effective than general couples counselors. Set concrete behavior expectations, and watch whether they are actually met over time, not just promised.