You are hurting your partner more than you realize

Main text (draft)

What you described includes patterns that make relationships hard to be in from the other side: defensiveness, overflow anger, weaponized silences, assuming your partner is the problem, or not apologizing meaningfully. You are probably not a cruel person. But the patterns you are running are landing on someone who has to absorb them, and over time that either teaches them to walk on eggshells, or they will leave. The good news is: nothing you described is permanent, and you clearly have enough honesty to be here. Most people with these patterns never get to this page.

What to do next

This is therapy territory, not self-help. What you described usually responds well to individual therapy focused on attachment or emotional regulation, or to couples therapy if your partner is still available for that work. The specific work matters less than starting. Alongside that, Lovon can be a space between sessions to think things through. Resist the urge to promise your partner change and then go into it alone — change here usually needs a structure.