Is He Over His Ex? Quiz: Signs He Still Has Feelings

Each answer scores 0 to 3, and higher scores mean more signs of a partner who is not over their ex. The questions cover talk (how often the ex comes up, in what tone, comparisons, and whether your partner can discuss the breakup calmly), contact (how much, how openly, and what happens when the ex asks for something), reactions (news about the ex, mementos, social media and hard dates) and you (how present they are and how they talk about the future), plus one question on how recent and how serious that relationship was.

Ordinary life does not count against anyone. Co-parenting, work contact and shared practical matters score zero, and a polite birthday text or a box of old photos scores almost nothing. None of these are signs of longing. They are signs of being an adult with a history.

Plenty of people stay in touch with an ex, and it is often harmless. A 2017 study by Rebecca Griffith and colleagues in Personal Relationships found four main reasons people stay friends with exes: security, practical reasons, civility and unresolved romantic desires. Only staying friends out of unresolved romantic desire was linked to negative outcomes. So the useful question is not whether your partner talks to their ex, but why, how often and how openly. Contact about kids, shared bills or a mutual friend's wedding, mentioned in passing, is normal. Late-night personal texts, contact you only find out about by accident, or the ex being the first person your partner calls when something goes wrong are a different thing.

A pang when the ex gets engaged is human, too. What this quiz looks for is the ex still taking up space in the present.

No single sign proves anything. What counts is a cluster that holds over weeks, not one bad night.

The ex comes up often, unprompted and with heat. That heat can be longing or anger. Someone who still rages about an ex is still invested, because being over someone usually looks like indifference. Comparisons belong here too, flattering or not: if the ex is still the yardstick, they are still in the room.

Contact goes beyond what life requires, or it is hidden. That can look like regular personal chats, late-night texts, dropping your plans when the ex needs a favor, or a phone turned face down when a message arrives. Co-parenting logistics are not on this list.

News about the ex knocks them sideways, and they keep tabs. An engagement or a new partner can ruin their week. They check the ex's profile or reread old messages. In a 2012 study in Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, Tara Marshall found that keeping tabs on an ex's Facebook page went with more distress over the breakup and more longing for the ex.

They hold back with you. They are guarded when things get close, vague about plans as small as a trip next month, and low or distant around the ex's birthday or the anniversary of the split. Distance can also come from attachment patterns that have nothing to do with the ex, and the attachment style quiz is the better tool for that.

The other side is quieter. The ex comes up rarely and without much charge. Your partner can tell the story of the breakup, including their own part, and then talk about something else. Any contact is open and a little boring. News about the ex gets a shrug. When you talk about the future, they are in it with you.

Feelings about an ex and a current partner are linked. In a six-month study in Social Psychological and Personality Science, Stephanie Spielmann and colleagues found that when people's current relationship quality fell, their longing for an ex rose, and that growing longing for a recent ex went on to predict lower quality in the current relationship. So a pull toward the past can also be a reason to look at what is happening between the two of you.

A relationship that started soon after a breakup is not automatically a rebound in the bad sense, either. Claudia Brumbaugh and R. Chris Fraley, writing in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, found that people in a new relationship after a breakup reported more resolution over their ex than people who were not. If you worry that you are the rebound, the am I a rebound quiz looks at that.

This quiz looks at your partner and their ex. The am I over my ex quiz turns the same question on you. If your fear is less about the ex and more about losing your partner, the is my boyfriend going to break up with me quiz reads those signs. If you are already wondering whether to stay, the should I break up quiz helps you weigh it. The article on why you miss your ex explains what keeps people attached long after a breakup, which can help you read your partner with more compassion.

Each of the four results explains what the pattern means for you, how to bring it up without accusing, which boundaries are fair and when it would be time to walk away. If it turns out you are dating someone who is not over their ex, that is not a verdict on you. It is a reason for one honest conversation.

Answer for the last two or three months, and go by what you have seen, not what you fear. Only your partner can tell you where they really are with their ex.

If you want to talk through what you are seeing, or practice how to raise it, Lovon is an AI relationship coach you talk to by voice. It is support, not therapy.