Lovon

What Leaving Would Actually Take

Four short lists: money, a place, the shared things, and people. Mark each item sorted or not. You get the itemized page, a count of what is still open, and the two items holding the rest up.

Fifteen items, four lists0 of 15 marked

Money

What you can reach, and what is only in their name.

  • Money you could reach this week without asking anyone

    Cash, your own account, a card that is yours.

  • An account, a card, and a paycheck in your name only

    Not joint. Not one they can see.

  • A deposit and a first month, or a way around them

    Or the two weeks that buy you time to find one.

A place

The first two weeks, then after that.

  • Somewhere to sleep for the first two weeks

    A couch counts. It only has to be real.

  • Where you would live after that

    Which area, what it costs, whether you would qualify.

  • What you would take, and where the rest goes

    Documents before furniture.

The shared things

Everything with both of you attached to it.

  • The lease or the mortgage, and whose name is on it

    What the document says, not what you remember.

  • The pet

    Who they stay with, and whether the first place allows them.

  • The car, the title, and who is on the insurance

    Including how you get to work without it.

  • The phone plan, and who can see the bill

    A shared plan shows the numbers you call.

  • Shared logins, subscriptions, streaming, the photo account

    Small, numerous, and easy to leave for later.

  • Everywhere your address is on file

    Bank, work, doctor, dentist, deliveries, government mail.

People

Who knows, who helps, who you call after.

  • Who you would tell first

    One person, before it happens.

  • Who would physically help you move

    Two hands and a car beats a moving quote.

  • Who you would call the night after

    The evening nobody plans for.

You are not deciding anything on this page. Whether to leave is a separate question and this tool does not answer it. What it does is take the shapeless version of the thought, the one that goes I could not leave even if I wanted to, and turn it into named items, each one marked handled, not handled, or not your situation.

1

Why an itemized list weighs less than the dread

Dread has no edges. It sits in your chest as one solid object called everything, and one solid object is impossible to work on. Write down deposit, first month, phone plan, the dog, and the object becomes fifteen smaller ones. Some of them turn out to be nothing.

Half the items shrink the moment you look straight at them. The dentist has your address; that is ninety seconds. Shared logins take five minutes. What is left once the small ones clear is usually two or three things that actually carry weight, and two or three things is a situation you can plan around. Fifteen is not.

2

What people overestimate, and what they miss

The money is usually overestimated and the timeline is usually underestimated. People picture the full deposit plus first month plus movers plus furniture, all in one week. The version that actually happens is two weeks on somebody's spare bed while an account in your own name finishes opening.

What gets missed is paperwork with a waiting period. A bank account, a card, a paycheck routed somewhere new: none of it is hard and all of it takes days. If one item is going to set your timing, it is that one.

The other missed item is the ask. Most people have never said out loud to a friend, if something changed at home, could I stay with you for a while. It is four minutes of discomfort and it turns the largest item on the list from a question into an answer.

3

This is a logistics list, not a safety plan

Everything here assumes the worst thing that happens when you leave is an awful week and money you did not want to spend. If your planning is mostly about how they will react rather than how you will feel, that is a different problem and this page is not built for it. Leaving is the point at which a controlling or violent relationship most often escalates, and there are people who help with the timing of it every day. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233, you can text START to 88788, and thehotline.org has a chat window. If you are having thoughts of harming yourself, call or text 988 in the US.

If the decision itself is not settled, the should I break up quiz asks a different set of questions than this list does. Come back to the list when the question has stopped being whether.

If you have already decided and are married, how to tell your spouse you want a divorce helps you plan that conversation.

Lovon is a voice app you can talk to out loud at any hour, using CBT and EFT methods developed with PhD psychologists. It is somewhere to say the part you have not said to anyone yet. It is not a lawyer, a financial advisor, or a licensed therapist.

Ready for More Personalized Support?

Lovon is AI mental health support by voice — a private conversation whenever you need one, with no appointment. It is not therapy and not a substitute for care from a licensed professional.

Download Lovon App

Frequently Asked Questions

What do I actually need before I leave a relationship?

In practice it comes down to four things: money you can reach without asking anyone, somewhere to sleep for the first two weeks, a decision about whatever is shared in both your names, and one person who knows. Everything else is smaller than it feels. This tool walks you through each one and shows you which are still open.

What if I cannot afford to leave right now?

Then the money items are the plan, and naming them is how you start. A card and a paycheck in your own name usually matter more than a lump sum, and they take days rather than months. Two weeks on a friend's couch replaces a deposit you do not have. Nothing on this page requires you to move this month.

How do I prepare when we live together?

Read the lease or the mortgage instead of trusting your memory of it, and find out whose name is on it and what the notice period is. Then handle the quiet ones: the phone plan, the shared logins, everywhere your address is on file. Those are the items people forget and then scramble over on the day.

Do I need an account, and is anything I type here saved?

No account, no email, no sign-up. Everything runs in your browser: what you mark and any name you type stays on your device, is not sent anywhere, and is not stored, here or on our side. Closing the tab clears it. That also means the list does not come back on its own, so use the copy button or take a screenshot before you leave the page if you want to keep it.

Does this tell me whether I should leave?

No. It makes no recommendation, gives no score, and takes no position on your relationship. It only itemizes what a departure would involve, which is useful whether you go or stay. Plenty of people fill it out and decide to stay with a clearer head. If you want help with the decision itself, that is a different question and a different page.

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See also

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