Fix the Fight

Your partner is upset and the meter is at 100. You have six moves to bring it to zero. Each turn you get three cards: some calm things down, some make it worse. Choose well.

How to play Fix the Fight

Your goal

Your partner is upset, and the Upset meter is at 100. Bring it down to 0 in 6 moves or fewer.

Pick one of three moves each turn
Each move is something you could say or do. Your partner answers, and the meter goes down or up.
Some moves calm things down
Listening, naming how they feel, owning your part, asking what they need.
Some feel natural but backfire
“You always…”, rolling your eyes, explaining it wasn’t your fault, going quiet, bringing up old stuff.
Timing matters
A joke or a hug only lands once things are calmer; a break only helps while it is heated. The same move twice in a row counts for half.

You lose if the 6 moves run out or the meter hits 150. A win scores 100, plus 20 for every move left, plus a bonus for calming moves in a row.

Moves that help, moves that backfire

Moves that help

Just listen
Let them finish without interrupting or solving; feeling heard is usually what cools a fight first.
“That sounds really hard”
Saying the feeling out loud (“you felt forgotten”) shows you understand before you explain anything.
Own your part
A specific apology (“I forgot, and I didn’t check the plan”) does more than a general sorry.
Ask what they need
Asking “what would help right now?” replaces guessing, which is how many fights restart.
Take 20 minutes, then come back
A short break with a set time to return helps while things are heated; once it’s calmer it feels like leaving.
Make a gentle joke
Light humor helps near the end of a fight, but while they’re still hurt it sounds like you’re brushing it off.
Offer a hug
A hug works once they feel heard; offered too early it can feel like skipping the conversation.

Moves that backfire

“You always do this”
“You always” or “you never” turns one problem into a verdict on their character, which Gottman calls criticism.
Roll your eyes
Eye-rolls, sneers and sarcasm signal contempt, which Gottman found to be the strongest single predictor of divorce.
Explain it wasn’t your fault
Leading with your side tells them their hurt doesn’t count yet, which Gottman calls defensiveness.
Go quiet until it passes
Shutting down and going silent feels like being shut out, which Gottman calls stonewalling.
Bring up the time they did it
Bringing up an old mistake turns one fight into every fight you’ve had.

Most arguments between partners are not lost on the facts. They are lost on the next sentence: the eye roll, the "you always", the explanation that starts before the other person has finished. Fix the Fight turns that moment into a one-minute game, so you can feel which moves cool a fight down and which pour fuel on it.

How to play

Each round starts with a real-life reason for the fight, like a forgotten birthday dinner or a phone out all through dinner. Your partner's upset starts at 100. Every turn you get three cards and play one. Bring the meter to zero within six moves and you win. Run out of moves, or let it climb to 150, and they walk out for some air.

Why some moves backfire

The bad cards follow the four patterns the psychologist John Gottman found most often in couples whose arguments kept going wrong: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. Contempt, like an eye roll, does the most damage of all. Some good moves depend on timing: a break helps while things are heated, a joke or a hug only once the heat has dropped. Playing the same card twice counts for half, so mix them up.

Scoring

A win scores 100, plus 20 for every move you had left, plus 10 for each move in your longest calming streak. A loss scores how far you brought the upset down. Your best stays on this device, and you can share your score with the person you argue with most.

When the fight is real

A game cannot know your partner, and real arguments rarely come with three tidy options. If the same fight keeps coming back, the conflict style quiz shows how you each tend to fight. And Lovon is an AI relationship coach you can talk a real argument through with by voice, before or after it happens. It is support, not therapy.

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Frequently Asked Questions

How do you calm down an argument with your partner?

Start by letting them finish and showing you heard them: name their feeling, own your specific part, and ask what they need. Avoid criticism, contempt, defensiveness and going silent. If it is too heated, take a short break and say when you will come back. The game lets you practise exactly these moves.

What are the four horsemen?

Criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. The psychologist John Gottman found these four patterns most often in couples whose arguments kept going wrong, with contempt the strongest warning sign. In Fix the Fight they are the cards that push the upset meter up.

How do I win Fix the Fight?

Bring the upset meter from 100 to zero in six moves or fewer. Listening, naming the feeling, owning your part and asking what they need all help. Breaks, jokes and hugs only help at the right moment, and repeating a card counts for half.

How is the score worked out?

A win is 100 points, plus 20 for each move left, plus 10 for each move in your best streak of calming moves. A loss scores how much you brought the upset down from 100. Your best score is saved in this browser.

Is this based on research?

The bad moves follow John Gottman's research on the four horsemen, and the good ones follow common repair advice: listening, naming feelings and specific apologies. The numbers are a game, not a measurement of your relationship.