High pull

What this means

At this range all three parts are running high, and it is fair to say the relationship is currently organising the shape of your days rather than sitting inside them.

It is worth separating what is happening from what it says about you. This pattern is not a sign of weakness or of being too much. It is what happens when a strong attachment meets unpredictable contact and then starts collecting costs, and it develops in people who are otherwise steady, capable and entirely clear-headed about everything else in their lives. The narrowing is usually the giveaway: at this level people notice that most of their conversations, most of their plans and most of the free space in their head have been reduced to one subject.

Two things are worth naming honestly. First, the cost part of your score matters more than the other two. Thinking about someone constantly is uncomfortable. Losing sleep, dropping friends, missing work and moving your own limits are consequences, and they compound. Second, at this level relief is doing a great deal of work. A day can be ruined and then repaired by one message, and that repair is what makes the next day of waiting feel survivable. It is the cycle, more than the person, that has your attention.

If the other person's behaviour is part of what drives this — hot and cold contact, promises that do not land, a pattern where silence is used as a response to something you did — then a good part of this score is a reading of the situation rather than of your character. That does not make the pull less real, but it changes what the work is.

What to do next

This is the range where doing it alone tends not to work, and where telling one other person the accurate version is the highest-value step available. A friend, a therapist, someone who gets the unedited account rather than the summary you have been giving. Secrecy is what lets this keep growing.

Then cut the number of daily decisions rather than trying to want it less. Fixed times for checking, notifications off, the phone out of the bedroom. Sleep first, because every other item on this list gets harder without it.

Rebuild one thing outside the relationship before you renegotiate anything inside it. Decisions about the relationship are better made from a life that has more than one thing in it.

If you need a stretch of reduced contact, the no contact plan walks through how to structure one. And Lovon is available at the hours when this gets loudest, which is usually late.