Very high pull

What this means

Your answers sit near the top of the scale. Preoccupation, withdrawal and cost are all running high, which means most of your attention, most of your emotional weather and a real amount of your life outside this relationship are currently going to one person.

That is exhausting, and it deserves to be treated as a real problem rather than reframed as devotion. The way people at this level usually describe it is not happiness. It is relief followed by dread, on repeat.

A few things are worth saying plainly. The strength of the pull is not evidence about how right the relationship is. Patterns like this get stronger, not weaker, when contact is unpredictable, which is why the most consuming relationships are often the least stable ones. And the feeling that you could not function without this person is a state rather than a fact about your capabilities. It changes when the pattern changes, which is a slower thing than it sounds and a more reliable one.

At this range it is also common to have stopped noticing the costs, because they arrived gradually. It can help to write down what an ordinary week looked like before this relationship and set it beside now: sleep, friends, work, money, the things you used to do on your own. That comparison tends to be more persuasive than any score.

One distinction matters more than the rest. If part of this involves being afraid of the other person, being controlled, being cut off from people who care about you, or agreeing to things because of what happens when you do not, that is a different situation from the one this test measures and it needs a different kind of support.

What to do next

The honest recommendation is to bring in another person rather than doing this alone. A therapist is the right call at this level and a reasonable step rather than an extreme one. If that is not available right now, the next best thing is one person who gets the accurate version of what has been happening.

Start with sleep and structure, not with a decision about the relationship. Big decisions made from this state tend to get reversed within a week, and the reversal then becomes more evidence against yourself.

Put back one thing this has taken — a friend, an evening, a routine — and keep it even during the stretches when the relationship is going well.

Do not read the score as a verdict on you. It describes what a pattern is currently costing, and patterns move more than they feel like they will from the inside.

Lovon is there to talk to whenever you need it, including late. It is support between the harder conversations, not a substitute for a therapist or a doctor.