The trust is already broken

What this means

At this point the question has moved. What you described is either a betrayal that already happened in this relationship, or a stack of secrecy, shifting stories, and questions that get turned back on you that has grown so tall the original question hardly matters anymore. You already do not trust the person you are with. That is true today, regardless of what is or is not going on, and it is its own situation with its own set of answers.

Nothing here establishes a fact about your partner. This is not a diagnosis or a verdict, and it does not say anyone cheated. It reflects what you reported: trust is gone, asking plainly has stopped working, and you have been living for a while in a version of your relationship where nothing can be taken at face value. That is exhausting in a way people around you may not see.

Why this is the harder question

Couples survive infidelity more often than people expect. What they do not survive is an open-ended stretch of secrecy nobody will name, because it forces you to become someone you do not like: checking, reconstructing timelines, testing your memory against theirs. If you keep leaving conversations less certain about things you were sure of, write down what was said and when, plainly and only for yourself. Not to build a case, but so your own memory stops being the thing under negotiation.

Rebuilding trust is possible, but only under specific conditions, and vague promises are not among them. It requires the person who broke it to offer transparency rather than concede it under pressure, to answer the same question the tenth time as patiently as the first, and to accept that this takes months rather than a weekend. If none of that is on offer, no effort from you alone will produce it.

What to do next

Name the actual question out loud rather than the surface one. Something like: "I do not trust you. That is true whether or not anything happened, and I cannot live in it much longer. I want to know whether you want to work on it with me, and what you would actually be willing to do."

Ask for behavior with a shape to it, not reassurance. Open accounts by default for a defined period, or a couples therapist, or a specific thing that stops. Reassurance is free, which is why it settles nothing.

Get your own support, separate from the relationship. One person who knows everything, and a therapist if that is available. Individual support matters more here than couples work, because couples work only functions when honesty is already on the table. If you want somewhere to think out loud at two in the morning when there is nobody to call, a space to talk it through is there.

When this is bigger than the relationship

Watch whether this has spread past the relationship. If your sleep is gone, your appetite has changed, or things you used to care about have stopped registering, that is a sign to see a doctor or a therapist about you, not only about the two of you. If you find yourself having thoughts of hurting yourself, please call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline in the US, which is free and answers around the clock.

Finally, and clearly: this result is not permission to leave and it is not an instruction to stay. That decision belongs to you and to information a quiz does not have. This is a mirror. What you do with what you see in it is yours.