The Talker

How you cope with stress

You cope by talking. When something stressful happens, your first instinct is to tell someone, and you often do not feel settled until you have said it out loud. Researchers call this seeking social support, and it is one of the most common ways people cope.

What this does well

Talking puts feelings into words, which helps take some of the heat out of them. It also reminds your body you are not alone, and the people you talk to can offer help, perspective or simply company. People who reach out under stress tend to cope better than people who keep everything in.

Where it backfires

Talking can turn into going over the same thing again and again with different people. When two people keep revisiting a problem together without moving forward, it can keep the stress going rather than easing it. Talkers can also come to rely on one or two people so heavily that it strains those relationships, or feel lost when nobody is available.

How to cope better as a Talker

Notice whether a conversation is moving forward. If you have told the same story three times this week, the next step is not a fourth telling but a decision: what, if anything, will you do about it?

Before you reach out, take two minutes on your own to name what you feel and what you need. "I need to vent" and "I need advice" are different requests, and saying which one you want helps the other person help you.

Spread your support across a few people, and build at least one way to cope alone for times when nobody is around. Writing it down or saying it out loud on your own works for many Talkers.

Try next

The AI journal asks one question at a time, which suits people who think best in conversation. How to reduce stress covers the steps that work when talking is not enough.