Time to plan how you leave

What this means

Your answers describe a marriage you have, in many ways, already left on the inside. The question has been there for a long time. Respect or trust has broken, affection is gone, you feel relief when he is away, and picturing life after leaving brings a sense of breathing again. You may be staying for practical reasons, or because starting over feels frightening. Both are understandable. Neither is a reason to stay forever.

A quiz cannot decide this for you, and it cannot see your circumstances. But your answers are consistent, and they describe someone who deserves a life that does not feel like holding your breath.

How to plan leaving, step by step

Start quietly with the practical side. Know your finances: accounts, debts, income and what you could live on. Make copies of important documents. Think about where you would live, even for the first months. If you have children, think about what they will need to hear and how to keep their routines steady. A family lawyer can explain separation, divorce and custody where you live, often in one consultation.

Build support before the conversation, not after. Tell one or two trusted people. Look up a counselor for yourself, not to save the marriage but to help you through the transition. The guide to telling your spouse you want a divorce has words for the hardest conversation, and co-parenting after divorce covers what comes after.

If you are afraid of him

If he has hurt you, threatened you or controls your money or movements, leaving can be the most dangerous time, so plan it with a domestic violence advocate. In the US call 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788. In an emergency, call 911.

If you want to rehearse what to say, Lovon is an AI relationship coach you speak to by voice. It is support, not therapy.