Every account still open

What this means

Your answers are high in all three groups. Other people's hurts stay on file, your own mistakes do too, and forgiving seems to come attached to things you cannot afford: pretending it was fine, letting someone back in, or trusting before anything has changed. When all three run together, forgiveness stops feeling like a choice and starts to feel impossible. That impossibility is usually doing a job.

Here is the mechanism. If forgiving someone would mean going back to how things were, holding on is the only protection you have. If forgiving yourself would mean the mistake did not matter, holding on is the only way to show that it did. Seen that way, the grip is not a failure of character. It is a guard, posted because nothing else was keeping watch.

That is why the usual advice, "just let it go" or "forgiveness is for you", tends to make things worse here. It asks you to drop the guard without giving you anything to replace it.

There is one situation where forgiveness is not the question at all. If someone is still hurting you, controlling you or making you afraid, the task is safety, not letting go, and nobody is owed forgiveness on a schedule. In the US, the National Domestic Violence Hotline answers at 1-800-799-7233, and you can text START to 88788.

This result is not a diagnosis, and it does not mean you are a bitter or unforgiving person. More often it means a lot has happened and not much of it has been acknowledged.

What to do next

Separate the three questions before you try to answer any of them. For one specific hurt, write down: Do I want to stop carrying this? Do I want this person close? Do I trust them yet? Three different answers are allowed.

Build the replacement guard first. Boundaries do the protecting that resentment has been doing. Once the limit is clear, how close they get and what you will not discuss, you can loosen your grip without leaving yourself exposed.

Start small. Close the least significant account first, yours or someone else's, and see what changes.

This much open at once is worth working through with a therapist, who can hold the pieces while you sort them. Lovon is there in between, alongside that support rather than instead of it.