Put down in words, often as a joke
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What this means
Of the three parts of respect on this test, the way your partner speaks to you and about you stands out. Jokes at your expense in front of other people, eye-rolling while you talk, names or words like stupid, crazy or useless, and a habit of dismissing what you care about: your work, your friends, your family, a hobby. Thanks and praise, meanwhile, are rare.
This is the part of disrespect that tends to do the most quiet damage, because it goes beyond what your partner does and into what they say you are. Over time, people on the receiving end often start to believe it, or shrink what they share so there is less to mock.
Why the joke matters
Put-downs often come wrapped as humor, and objecting can get you called oversensitive. But a joke that only ever goes one way, lands on sore points and gets repeated after you have said it hurts is not teasing. Affectionate teasing is mutual, stops when it lands badly and leaves both people feeling closer. Contempt does the opposite.
Name-calling is a step further. Being called stupid or crazy by a partner, even in a heated moment, is not a normal part of arguing, and when it is regular it is a recognized form of emotional abuse.
What to do next
Say it once, at a calm moment, and be specific: "When you joked about my job at dinner, I felt humiliated. I need that to stop." You are not asking for a debate about whether it was funny.
Watch the response. A partner who did not realize will usually be uncomfortable and change. A partner who doubles down, mocks the request or does it again the next week is telling you something about the pattern.
Check your own picture of yourself. If you have started to agree with some of what gets said about you, ask someone who knows you well what they see. An outside view is a good correction.
If the put-downs come with control, fear or threats, this is more than a respect problem, and the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 can help you think it through. And if you keep being told you are oversensitive and have started to believe it, am I overreacting is a place to check one specific moment against an outside view.
Lovon is there to help you rehearse the conversation, or to talk after one that went badly.
This quiz is for self-reflection and educational purposes. It is not a diagnosis, clinical instrument, or replacement for professional care. If any of this raises concerns, consider talking to a licensed therapist. How we build these quizzes.
Want to understand yourself more deeply?
Your result is a starting point: talking it through with Lovon, your AI relationship coach, is where it gets specific.