Your anger lands on the people at home

What this means

The area that stands out in your answers is home. Your anger lands mostly on the people closest to you: a partner, your children, your parents or the people you live with. They may go quiet or leave the room when you get angry, plan around your mood or avoid bringing you problems. You may have apologized more than once in the past month for something you said or did.

Many people with this result are measured at work and polite with strangers. That is not a contradiction. Home is where the guard comes down, and where people cannot easily walk away, which is exactly why anger there costs the most. Partners sometimes describe it as living with two different people.

What it costs

The people who live with anger adapt to it. They become careful. They time their news, soften their requests and stop disagreeing, not because they agree but because it is not worth what follows. Over months, that care turns into distance. You get a quieter home and less honest people in it.

Children are affected even when they are not the target. Shouting between adults, slammed doors and a parent whose mood decides the evening all register, and children often learn to manage the adult instead of being looked after by one.

One line worth drawing

There is a difference between being irritable at home and making the people there afraid. If your partner or your children are ever scared of you, change their plans to avoid setting you off, or have been hurt, threatened or blocked from leaving during an argument, this has gone beyond what a quiz can help with. Please talk to a professional. In the US, the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) takes calls from people worried about their own behavior, not only from people being harmed, and can point you to programs designed for this.

What to do next

Ask, and listen. At a calm moment, ask the people you live with whether they are ever afraid of you or hold things back to avoid your anger. Listen to the whole answer without defending yourself. A quick no from someone who is afraid may not mean no.

Agree on an exit before the next argument: a phrase that means "I am stepping out", a place to go and a time to come back. Then come back.

Repair every time. A short, specific apology that names what you did, without a "but", teaches the people at home that your anger has an end.

Lovon can help you work out what sits under the anger before the next argument, alongside professional help rather than instead of it.