It is too soon to know yet

What this means

What you described is genuinely mixed, and most of it is too new to mean much yet. Some of the good signs are there. Some of the answers you are getting are thin, or arrived only after you pushed. You are somewhere in the stretch where you are trying to decide the rest of your life using about three weeks of evidence, most of it collected while you could not sleep.

That is not indecision and it is not weakness. It is the accurate response to not having enough information. The honest read of your answers is not stay and not go. It is that you do not know yet, and that not knowing yet is the correct place to be standing.

Why this happens

Right after discovery, almost everything looks like proof of something. A late reply is proof they are lying. A good Sunday is proof it can be fixed. Neither is worth much, because both of you are performing under conditions nobody performs well under. They are scared of losing you, which produces a lot of behavior that looks like remorse and might be. You are flooded, which makes it nearly impossible to tell the difference.

What separates real repair from a good three weeks is time, and there is no shortcut through it. The things that predict recovery are boring and slow: the story stays the same when you check it again in March, contact stays ended when it stops being monitored, they keep doing the work after the crisis energy runs out. None of that can be assessed yet, because none of it has had time to happen.

This is also not a diagnosis of your relationship or of them. It is a snapshot of what you can see from where you are, taken very early.

What to do this week

Set a decision date rather than a decision. Something like ninety days out, marked on an actual calendar. Then say it out loud to them: "I am not deciding anything right now. I am going to watch what happens for the next three months, and I am telling you that so you are not waiting on a verdict every night."

Write down the two or three things you would need to see in that window. Not vibes — events. The story staying the same when you ask again in six weeks. Therapy that they book. A phone that stops being a locked box. Written down now, while you are clear, they are much harder to talk yourself out of later.

Protect the parts of your life that have nothing to do with this. Sleep, food, one friend who knows, work you can still do. People make bad decisions from inside exhaustion, and the exhaustion is doing a lot of the talking right now. If you want a wider view of what this relationship looked like before all this, running through is my relationship healthy can be a useful reality check against a memory that the last month has rewritten.

When to get help

If you cannot eat, cannot sleep, or the intrusive images are running most of your day three or four weeks in, see a therapist for yourself, separately from anything you decide about the relationship. Betrayal produces something close to a trauma response in a lot of people, and treating it does not commit you to staying or to leaving.